One Year and Five Months Later...

Wow.....  It has been one year and five months since my last post which was actually before the adoption was even finalized...  That's kind of sad...  No, really sad.  But, I recently told someone I USED to blog and they said, "But then you had kids???"  Exactly!  I had kids, and not just one, three at the same time.  I'm not blogging now to cover the last year that I failed to blog.  I just want to share some truths that adoptive parents need to know- not because they don't know, but because they need to know they're not alone.  I've had others ask about the blog because they know someone that is adopting and I've been sad to say that I haven't updated it an incredibly long time.  Now that I think about it, this is probably the best time to update...  Here are the easy truths and the hard truths:

• The easy truth:  We are incredibly blessed!  They are now 6 years, 5 years, and 2 years of age.  They are magnificently adorable, sometimes hard to handle, and extremely loving.  They always want to be around Clif or me and soak up every ounce of tickling possible (even if it really doesn't tickle) and laugh uncontrollably.

• The hard truth:  I've told people I don't really have a desire to go through pregnancy...  While that's true at times, it is completely a lie at other times.  Thankfully I have someone dear to me that is experiencing the same thing and we share in this together which is incredibly helpful and powerful.  It is hard to be around others when the topic of conversation is pregnancy, and naming your child, and all the congrats that go with it.  I will never experience that.  Believe me, most days I am really and truly okay with that.  I do not desire to give birth to a child and can see us adopting again in the future when our kids are older.  But the experience of it all is sad to miss out on at times.  ....  But really, please do not be sad for me!!  I am only sharing the truth because someone else likely feels the same way, and I am fine.  Really.  And this isn't the hardest truth to share, see below...

• The harder truth:  I lied in previous blogs:  "I am in love with these kids!!"  Really, I have found myself waiting to fall in love with my two oldest children.  That's something I heard on a tv show we've been watching lately,  and it rings true.  I think I was in love with the idea of being in love with them.  It is much easier to simply love (without trying) the youngest child since he came to us at such a young age.  It was like we were raising our own biological baby.  When you get two older children they come with so much hurt that you don't know about, so many memories with which you have no connection, so many personality traits that you may not quite understand.  Loving them is a decision we have to make daily.  Some days it is completely easy and natural.  Other days, it is hard and you find yourself (I find myself) getting so angry because it's not natural.  From what I hear from parents of biological children, they sometimes feel the same way.  

• The easy truth:  I love sharing this new life with them!  It is so amazing to see how our families have fully and without condition accepted our children and our decision to adopt.  Our McLendon side of the family celebrated Christmas this year at my grandparents house, as usual, and there were 26 adults (children and grandchildren) and 8 great-grandchildren.  Our kids were a part of those 8...  That's something to be proud of!  The Watts side of the family has played with, laughed with, and loved on these kiddos in so many ways (like making banana pudding with Mimi).  It is a piece of us that they are loving.

• The hard truth:  I sometimes (not as much now as I used to) get sick to my stomach when Hailey brings up her biological parents.  The boys never mention the biological family or even ask questions, at least they haven't *yet*.  I'm sure it is only natural to feel a tinge (or a huge stab) of jealousy.  For a long time I felt uneasy and jealous because I was petrified that the biological family would somehow regain custody of the children.  That really wasn't a possibility, but my crazy mind let it be a possibility.  [Just a quick insert:  Our situation was a little unique in that we met the biological family and were in contact with them for SEVERAL months after the adoption was final.  We eventually decided that was not in the best interest of the children and that, in order to grow as a family, we needed to discontinue contact until the children are old enough to understand and ask to communicate.  I may post more about this topic later.  Sorry, now back to my original topic. End insert.]  I know that we are providing a stable home with lots of love, but I let myself wonder if they miss where they were...  The answer:  Of course they do!  They might not miss the actual situation they were in, but "they miss the idea of their mom and dad" as Clif would say.  Even the foster homes they were in are likely missed.  And I used to wonder if they knew that this was truly their forever home.  Are they happy here?  Were they happier in their last home???  I want to say that it doesn't matter, because this is their home and we are building the memories they will love. I also know that we can't ignore their past.  It is imperative that we allow them to open up and share about their life before us.  It is a part of them just like my arm is a part of my body.

• The harder truth:  There are times when they might say things that hurt you to the core.  Hailey got in trouble not too long ago and was grounded.  I overheard her in her room saying, "I want my other mommy... she wouldn't ground me..."  Not only that, she was cradling the picture of her biological parents.  Yeah, that one hurt.  It also made me angry because I was saying to myself, "Does she even know what they did???!!"  But then I thought about every bad moment I ever had in my life and as I look back, it wasn't bad at all or I think of it as actually being a good time (like a past job that I hated in the moment and cherish now that I'm no longer there, ha!).  That is exactly how it is for her.  And it is probably going to happen again.  I dread the day that I hopefully DO NOT hear, "You're not my real mom."  

• The easy truth:  I know they love us, and we love them.  I also know that, although it may not get "easier", it will get better.  There will be so many tough times.  And there will be so many more great times where we GET to love them, and we HAVE to love them.  God only provides to those what he thinks we can handle.  "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose" -Romans 8:28

Perhaps you are reading this just to read it.  But maybe you are someone going through the EXACT same thing, or can relate in one way or another.  I only write to share with others because we are in this together.  I never set out to adopt so that we could go at it alone.  Adopt.  Love.  Share your story!

Since then

NUMBER 1 THING TO ANNOUNCE:  ADOPTION CONSUMMATION IS TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2012!!!  On that day, the adoption will be final and the children will legally be ours!!!  Praise God!

It has really been a long time since I last posted.  In fact, it has been almost three months!  So, what has kept me from posting???  Hmm...  In my last post, I basically vented and poured out my heart sharing the not-so-cool thoughts and emotions with which I was struggling.  When I published the post, I got lots of words of encouragement.  But I also received several messages and comments that kind of put me off, perhaps because of my pride issues.  I felt that my words had been misconstrued to mean that I was downright depressed- which was not the case at all.  I also didn't like the "advice" I was getting- the kind of advice you get and you think to yourself "Uh... duh?" and you'd really like to say it out loud, but you don't.  Again, this could very well have been my pride getting in the way of logical reasoning.

"So that's the reason you stopped posting???"  Well, maybe for a little while that was the reason.  But then LIFE happened!  It seemed like every time I thought about blogging, my dear sweet sleep got in the way.  I went back to work in late July preparing my new classroom for this grade level I had never taught.  And then school started.  I wake up early, get the kids where they need to be, work my tail off at school (which I love, by the way), pick up the kids, do whatever after-school things we have to do (which seems to be something every day), eat dinner, put the kids to bed, and then work while in bed before my own sleep time.  Yes, I am exhausted most days!  But it is a great kind of exhaustion (most days).  And I am one very blessed woman to have this amazing husband who evenly shares our workload at home!!!  For goodness sakes, he even helps me with school work at times, even though he is highly disinterested in those things :).

And how is it all going?  Fantastic!  In all my stress and exhaustion, I still could not be more thankful for God's abundant blessings.  I fail every day as a wife, a mom, a teacher, a friend, and yet He pours out His grace so freely.  Many days I find myself wanting to start over as a parent, wondering if Christ was seen in me by our children and realizing that the answer often is "no".  I take for granted that God put us in charge of these children to show them the love He pours out to us.  But then I also have to remember that these really aren't "our" children at all- they belong to Him.  How heavy that is!!  But how awesome it is to know that we can openly share with them that we, too, are sinners, but that God sees through that and loves us unconditionally!

Next week, perhaps I will post about our adoption consummation...  until then, please pray for a smooth and joyful adoption consummation!

Want the nasty truth??

I made the decision when I started this blog to be as honest and real as possible.  Someone, someday, will be in our same position.  Heck, maybe we will be in this position again one day!  And I'll want to look back and remember what it was like.  First, let me begin by saying that there is truly NOTHING to prepare one's self emotionally or physically for going through the adoption of a child/ children.  The following paragraph is an excerpt from my personally journal- where I write things that I just cannot say out loud:

Crying...  that is what I'm down to now.  We've had Hailey, Brian, and Hayden for almost 4 weeks now.  I feel crazy emotionally.  I love them with every ounce that I am and wouldn't take this decision back for anything, but I think now I am broken down.  [before the next sentence, let me clarify that Clif is an AMAZING parent and partner!!!]  Clif is at work all day and I'm here at the house taking care of three children, 4 and under, when I've never had any parenting experience (except for teaching).  We've had lots of good times and lots of times where I feel disconnected, bitter towards others because they all seem fine, and even angry at times, which all makes me feel guilty.  We knew this wouldn't be easy...  This may very well be the most difficult thing I've ever experienced or will ever experience.

I'm lacking so much discipline in my life- I eat constantly, never work out, feel like I'm constantly cleaning but never see the results, rarely read the Word, and talk to God only when I'm driving, which is usually interrupted by children's voices.

God, how do I fix myself?  How can you rebuild me to become the mother I always imagined myself to be??!

It is incredibly difficult to write that and publish it for all the world to see.  But I know that I cannot be the only one in the world who experiences those thoughts.  Here are some things that possibly could have driven me to this low point:

• COURT issues!  Will the judge actually rule that the grandparents have standing?  What if they are taken away from us?  I think Clif and I would just have to move away to a foreign place.
• THREE kids!  I never have any alone time.  This is a HUGE adjustment!
• How can we help them understand that they will be here forever?  I want them to love us more than anything!  What do I say when they bring up "mommy" or grandparents?  
• Is the way I'm parenting best for them?  Have they heard someone say this in the past?  Why do they do this/ that/ the other?  There's so much about them that I've missed out on!
• Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork!  Take notes, fill out med logs, get documentation for doctor's visits, keep calendar documentation...  

Yeah, those could possibly contribute.  And simply, parenting :).  

AND THEN...........

And then it hit me yesterday morning in church:  But WOW!!!  God chose ME as their mother!  HE CHOSE ME.  Woah- it's almost too crazy to believe.  How awesome is HE?!  Every path, every decision I've made and that Clif has made has led to this... and this experience will lead to yet another of God's mighty plans for our lives.  There will be struggles, but having those brief moments of awe that we have been chosen for these kiddos refreshes me and brings life back into this journey.  They have approximately 900 weeks of childhood (so says an article I recently read).  We've missed out on a great number of those weeks with Brian and Hailey.  I pray that these "off" moments where all I can manage to do is cry will be few and far between.  I can't be naive and say they won't happen, but I can be prepared to learn from them.  After all, God has a purpose for everything.

Next time on "Clif and Casey Adopt" I'll be writing about our interesting experience with the kids, especially the conversations we've had with them about their biological family, this forever home, God, and how we've attempted to handle each conversation/ situation.  Stay tuned!

Court- BLAH

I'm just now writing this entry about the court hearing to determine whether the grandparents of our kiddos, who filed first for more visitation and second for custody, actually had standing in the case.  This is Clif's facebook post:

The judge heard the arguments this morning regarding whether or not the grandparents have standing to file in the case. The kid's worker said that she feels like it went well. The judge "took it in advisement" which basically means he wants time to think about it. My limited understanding of the family code leads me to think that he will give the grandparents standing to file and we will go to trial in August, but he could possibly rule that they do not and this can all be over. We are not likely to hear his decision until next week some time. We do know that he asked when the rights were terminated (February 24th) and he followed that up by asking how long the kids have been in care (since July of 2011) and when the grandparents filed (on the 86th day of the 90 they are provided- which looks really bad for them). 

It was one very rough day.  Clif and I left our house by 5:30AM to arrive an hour early at the courthouse.  I was more nervous than I've EVER been on the way there- and that's a long time to experience nervousness.  We were pulled in and out of the courtroom by caseworkers and the CPS lawyer to discuss possible things that may/ may not happen.  Awkward moments definitely took place when both sets of grandparents AND the bio mom showed up and walked right past us.  I mean, do you say "Hi" or pretend they're not there at all???  It was about 11:45 when the hearing actually took place, and it lasted all of 3 minutes!  We drove all the way home only to wait another week before hearing anything.

One for the books...

We've been into parenting for a little over two weeks now.  It's been great, aside from the sickness flowing through our house.  We're all beginning to adjust, thank goodness!  It has been so tiring on so many levels and so emotional on so many levels.  But yesterday was definitely one for the books, and a day that I want to record in more places than one.  It will never be forgotten.

Currently, the biological family (parents and grandparents) have two court-ordered visits a year.  We are bound to those visits and any extra visits are provided according to our discretion.  Yesterday was one of those visits.  We've known that the visit was going to happen for a few weeks now and definitely disagreed that the visit would be appropriate at this crucial and transitional time, however we didn't have much "say-so".  And because the grandparents have filed a petition with CPS in regard to custody of the children (on the 86th day of the 90 they are provided to do so), we decided we needed to do whatever was asked of us (and then some) so that we have as much favor on our side as possible (I'm probably getting all of this legal jargon all wrong- sorry!).

Here's how these visits usually happen:  Foster/ adoptive parents take the children to a specified location and drop the children off 30 minutes AFTER the biological family is present.  If the biological family is any more than 15 minutes late, the foster/ adoptive family is not required to stay and the biological family loses the visit.  The biological family is allowed a certain number of hours to visit and the foster/ adoptive parents then pick up the children.  Both parties can enter and exit without even meeting.

Now, this is where I should back up some and provide a little more info about our situation.  Since discovering that the grandparents (both maternal and paternal) had filed a petition, Clif and I have discussed the possibility of contacting them and attempting to put them at ease.  We both felt that they believed they would never see their grandchildren again.  We were in a difficult position- on one hand we wanted to just hold off and see how things work through the court system, while on the other we wondered if leaving things to "the system" would be in the best interest of any party.  On our way to Dallas, where the visit was held, Clif pipes up and says, "If you're not okay with doing this, just tell me," (which is his way of letting me know he's about to lay out something really important and difficult for me to think about).  Sure enough, he asked if I would be okay with meeting the biological family before or after the visit.  Of course, I will follow Clif in whatever direction he decides to lead our family and believe that he has outstanding intuition when it comes to these matters.

And so, we arrive at the facility at about 9:45, 15 minutes before the designated start time of the visit.  After signing in, we are taken back to a play room where the visit would be held, and waited...  and then we waited some more...  and we kept waiting.  This is where it became even more difficult and my anxiety and exhaustion started to get the best of me.  Clif had Hailey in her lap who watched the door intently and quietly every time she heard a voice from down the hall, only to realize that they were not the people coming to visit her.  30 minutes passed and no one showed.  45 minutes passed and a worker asked if we wanted to continue waiting, and we did.  1 hour later, the paternal grandparents arrived.  The workers brought them back after having asked if they would be okay with meeting us.  Hailey and Brian both ran to them and gave full on hugs.  I continued to hold Hayden while they loved on Hailey and Brian with tears in their eyes and continuous "I love you"s.  We shook hands with the grandparents, introduced ourselves, and Clif briefly said, "We want you to know that we fully intend to adopt these children, but we fully support continued contact and visits between you and your grandchildren."  The grandmother was just overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude, I believe, and even offered us food before we left, but we left quickly and allowed them their visit.  The mother and maternal grandmother still had not shown up when we left.

The family was provided four hours of visitation time.  They arrived one hour late and we agreed to extend the visitation 30 minutes.  In between leaving and picking them up, we were able to eat lunch, attempted sleeping in the van for a bit, and I managed to acquire a migraine like none I have ever had.  Somehow, the visitation time ended quickly.  When we returned to pick up the kids, a worker told us that the biological mom and maternal grandmother wanted to meet us.  We were prepared for this, as prepared as one can be, and had already determined some things that would need to be said, especially with the court now involved.

No, I don't think anyone can prepare for such a thing as meeting the biological family of your prospective children...  especially in our situation.

As soon as we entered, Brian came to us still calling us "Mommy" and "Daddy".  He offered me the flowers we bought for the biological family.  You could tell he didn't really have too much care for what was going on.  All he knew was that he was having a day of playing, eating, and visiting.  Hailey stayed attached to her paternal grandparents.  I don't believe Hayden knew anyone there.  We introduced ourselves to the mother as the prospective adoptive family and she immediately wanted to know if she could have more visits with the children.  Clif began discussing with them all again that we plan to adopt these children and love them unconditionally and that we are scared about what they have filed.  But we also wanted them to know that this will be an open adoption, regardless of what they have been told by CPS.  They didn't even know that the children were together, or that they were in our care.  There were tears all throughout the room.  We heard a little more than what we wanted to hear from the grandparents and from the biological mom.  As one can imagine, they are also fearful of never seeing these children again and angry that they have been taken away.  We assured them as much as we could that we were open to continued visits and contact with the children, but that we would have to wait until after the upcoming hearing to allow these visits/ contact to take place.  Not only that, but we also need an allotted amount of time to bond with the children and create our "normal".

We even allowed the family to walk us out to the van and load up the children.  They all gave teary-eyed hugs and kisses.  The biological mom cried as she hugged Brian and he so gently patted her on the head and said, "It'll be okay.  It'll be okay."  As we drove out of the parking lot, Hailey quietly cried, "Mom" about three times and then was silent.  We asked general questions about the visit, "Did you have fun?", etc.  Brian answered briefly, like it was a visit to the local park.  Hailey didn't speak at all.  And I just cried leaving the parking lot.

There will never be words that can allow me to describe this day.  And no matter how many details I provide, they will never paint the pictures or play the movies that are tattooed on my brain.

Some people may wonder why in the world we would want to meet the family.  Or why we would want to have an open adoption.  But think about your own family- your children, or grandchildren.  If they were taken away from you after having been a part of your life for even a little while, wouldn't you still want to witness them growing up?  Wouldn't you also want them to know you as their grandparents?  We also believe that, while Brian and Hayden may not be affected so much by them, the grandparents mean a great deal to Hailey.  Who are we to deny access to the people she cares about and that care for her so deeply?  It is something we would likely regret many years down the road.

Until next time...  (which will probably be after Thursday, June 7- the hearing date).

One Week In...

Actually, we're a little over one week into our continued adoption journey with the kiddos!  And boy have we experienced parenting!  I posted just a few days ago about day to day life.  We are definitely in the swing of a normal routine and Clif and I are less emotionally and physically exhausted with each passing day.  Our bodies are beginning to develop an understanding that we have three children that need to be cared for each and every day.

Last week Brian developed a rough cough that just wouldn't go away.  So, we decided that a doctor's visit was necessary.  I braved a doctor's visit with ALL THREE children!  It was interesting for sure!  Thankfully, we were the only ones there as we waited in the lobby area.  Of course, I had to fill out about 8 pages of paperwork while we waited (which probably looks to the receptionist like one of the kids had completed instead of me).  It was a new office that had not even ONE toy or children's activity.  So what's a kid to do when there's nothing to play with?  Run, of course, hahahaha!  And that's exactly what my children decided to do.  I tried to bring in a couple of toys from the van, while still managing to watch the children AND fill out paperwork.  But, who wants familiar toys in such a new environment where there's space to run?  And water fountains to play with?  Ha!  Whatever, mom!  ;)  We finally went back and got settled into a room and the nurse probed Brian, who was pretty cooperative, but curious about all of the interesting little gadgets.  The doctor who came in was fantastic- patient and playful with the kiddos, thorough, and honest.  His diagnosis:  congestion.  Good to know that we've been doing what parents should be doing with congested kiddos :).  He is completely over his cold and has the energy to show it!

A few days later, Hayden began running fever.  He is teething right now and chewing on EVERYTHING (I have bruises to prove it), and a slight fever is normal.  Two days ago, the fever increased and he began coughing with a runny nose to follow.  Clif took him to the emergency room Sunday evening.  After breathing treatments, a couple of antibiotics, and some tender love and care, he is almost back to normal.  Just sleepy, grumpy, and still teething :).

I have been running a slight fever for at least 4 days now.  A soar throat has come and gone here and there, but overall, I'm making it through the days- tired, of course.  Hailey also has caught the fever and cough, but is getting better.

Perhaps we are all experiencing some sort of stress as we transition into our new normal.  I'd like to think that we are being broken down and rebuilt in a way that will mold our family to what God has intended it to be.  We are learning to trust each other in times when we are not just sad or lonely, but in times when we are truly sick.  And when we feel better, we are all there to bask in the joy that comes with healthiness.

We are still continuing to pray for restful sleep and continued bonding experiences.

Day to Day Life

We've been here at home with the kiddos for one full week now!  Things are going really well- not easy, but well :).  So many people ask the really important question, "How are they sleeping?"  Why is that important?  Because if they're not sleeping, neither are we.  We are blessed to have three children come from a fantastic foster home that had them on a consistent bedtime routine.  All three go to bed without too much complaining and sleep through the night easily.  In addition to that, they also take naps without question (for the most part).  It has been fairly easy to determine a daily schedule, but of course not as easy to stick to or conquer :).  The first couple of days were simply an extension of what our weekend was like when they had their first home visit- but we weren't nearly as exhausted.  Of course, I like to think that the two of us make a pretty awesome team when it comes to parenting.  As the weekend passed and the work week approached, I began thinking about what our weeks would look like when Clif went to work and I became a "stay-at-home" mom for the summer.  Yes, I have to admit, I was pretty anxious about my first day with the kiddos without Clif's help.  Our first day alone went surprisingly well...  okay, well, that's excluding the hassle of trying to lure Sampson out of the van before leaving for the park, and Brian's unfortunate potty accident at the park (let's just say that he has one less pair of underwear haha!), and our return to dirty diaper trash shredded across the floor by our dog.  Yes, other than those things, the day was surprisingly easy.  I now have a daily-ish schedule and we're rockin' and rollin' with it- for the most part, ha!

The kiddos are all adjusting so well.  Hailey (4) has called us "Mommy" and "Daddy" from the first weekend we met.  She tested limits the first couple of days she was here, but is slowly beginning to see that our "No" means no.  She is also opening up more when we have serious discussions with her about certain behaviors.  For example, the first few times I would ask her to stop doing something (minor things like "Don't slam the door") she would stand there and stare at us without saying anything.  I coached her to simply say, "Okay" and follow through.  She is doing just that now!  She is full of random "I love you"s and is so proud to be the big sister who is clean and follows rules and takes on as much responsibility as she can- like feeding the dogs.  Hailey pants is smart and catches on to things SO quickly.  She has only brought up her biological family a couple of times over the week as she is trying to figure all of this out.

Brian (3)...  oh Brian :).  If a child's attention span could be any shorter, it might be nonexistent haha!  He is energetic, FULL of love!!!, and wants to be heard.  He can move from one activity to the next in a matter of seconds and needs complete eye contact before he truly listens to what you are asking of him.  He can hear you, of course, but he definitely may not be listening.  Brian is a "momma's boy"!  And this momma LOVES it!  I'm a sucker for him :).  Today he ran up to me and said, "Wanna give you a kiss momma Casey".  :*)  UGH!!!  Does it get any better than that?!?!  He repeats everything, and I mean everything!  Sometimes he will come up to us and say, "Momma Casey/ Daddy Clif... gasdlkfjwoeijfafjd".  Nope, we don't know what he's saying either lol.  He just wants to know that we're listening.

Hayden (1) is...  there are no words to describe.  I could just eat him up!  He has been AWESOME!  He sleeps through the night and takes naps on a relatively normal schedule.  He eats, eats, and then eats some more.  He's crawling like a maniac and is SO close to walking.  His bright blue eyes stare at me just as he's falling asleep and I just can't imagine my life without him.  The past few days he's been a little cranky because he's teething :/.  But I don't care- I'll take a cranky baby any day over no baby at all.  And when he's happy, smiling, and laughing, it's all worth it.

Yes, we are EXHAUSTED!  Our bodies are definitely adjusting right now to this huge life change.  But, that's to be expected.  Not only that, we also have many things on our minds and are praying that these children stay in our lives permanently.  Just the thought of having them taken away is devastating.    So I will spend every minute cherishing them and pouring into them, even if just for a while.  Thank you, God, for these children!

Home at last

Last Friday we went to the Dallas area to sign, sign, and then sign some more- all the papers required to move forward with the adoptive placement.  We left our house at 7am, began the meeting at 11am, started home with the children at about noon and finally arrived home at about 4:30.  Looking back now, it was a super fast day.  But in the midst of it all, the time seemed to pass by SO slowly!

The foster mom, along with her own mother and daughter, met us at the CPS office with the kids after the meeting had finished.  The whole gang came into the meeting room to greet all who were there with smiling faces and happy voices!  We were ecstatic to see them again and we were anxious to get them home.  At the same time, we knew the following minutes of transferring their last few belongings from the foster mom's van to ours would be difficult.  We got everything into our van and it was time to say good-bye's.  Christina (foster mom) hugged my neck tight, probably already noticing the tears I was desperately trying to hold back.  It didn't work- we both just couldn't resist the tears.  How bittersweet this moment was!  It was a moment I will NEVER forget and cry about just writing this post.  I wish I could explain it better, but it just cannot be explained.  She and her family will forever be a part of our lives, the children's lives, so we know that it was not the "last" good-bye.  The children did well, but I'm sure they're seeing this as just another "visit" at this time, although they've been told many times by us and others that this will be their forever home- "forever" is an extremely abstract concept for young children.  The children's caseworker followed us home, checked out our home and observed the children in this environment, then went on her way back north.

The evening was as smooth as it could have been in their new home with all of their original belongings stacked around the house waiting to be unpacked.  Hailey and Brian will soon begin to test limits (as they have already somewhat done so).  We are prepared for these moments and know that they will help us and the children understand one another better and will also help in the bonding process.

I told several people that this had been a very emotional day on all levels.  We experienced happiness (of course), joy, anxiousness, sadness, and unfortunately, fear...


In short (very short), we were told that some immediate family members had expressed thoughts about pursuing a lawyer.  Now, from the time the parents' rights were terminated, immediate family had/ has a year to petition for custody of the children.  The last date to make that stand is May 24- this coming Thursday.  We had no idea if this immediate family member would try to make a stand for custody or perhaps just visitation rights.  CPS and other workers within the system stand behind us 100% and seem to have little concern about this legal action going anywhere.  Regardless, the adoptive placement would happen (and did happen).  Now, as one can imagine, the unknown behind it all was VERY nerve wrecking!  But, our God is bigger than this and has a particular path paved- be it a path we enjoy or not...  we're enjoying this path because it has three beautiful children walking down it with us :).

They have been with us for several days now, making each day an interesting one.  We are already making moments that will always be remembered.  More posts to come about our first full week with the kiddos :).  I'm sure at some point another blessed person will adopt a sibling group and may find these blogs helpful or at least encouraging in some way.

First Home Visit and More

It has been almost two weeks since I last posted!  I believe the last thing I posted about was our first physical meeting with the kiddos.  Two weekends ago, after our first visit in Fort Worth, the kids came for a home visit for the weekend.  They stayed Friday night through Monday morning.  It was a crazy awesome weekend!  We didn't really know what to expect for the weekend- who would, though?!  We planned for their stay as best we could with the little amount of preparation time we had- meals were planned out and the children had places to sleep :).  We knew that there would be many more things we would learn we needed as the weekend progressed.

When they first arrived, they immediately roamed the house wanting mostly to see their own rooms.  We visited with the foster mom and her kids for a while, she gave us a run-down of administering meds and a few little bits of needed information, and then we were left alone with our three children in our home.  To say that the weekend was a breeze would be completely false.  To say that it was amazing would be completely true.  There really is no way to describe how it felt...  But I'll try :).

They arrived here Friday evening, so there was only enough time to relax, eat, bathe, and attempt bedtime.  Of course, when you've never parented one, much less three, attempting a routine for these things in one weekend is next to impossible.  But we managed to get it all done by 8:00-8:30ish; whether it was "pretty" or not didn't really matter :).  We played outside A LOT over the weekend, watched movies together, ALL took naps each day, and towards the last day, of course, began to see what a "normal" day might look like in the Watts' household.

And, yes, we were exhausted throughout the weekend.  Everyone I mention that to seems to say, "Better get used to it!" or, "Welcome to parenthood!"...  Well, yes, we know in full that parenthood will be tiring. But this was a different kind of exhaustion.  It was full of the newness of routines.  Although, how do you expect three children to understand your routines or follow them when they are headed back to their own "normal" within two days?  It was packed with Clif and I determining how to divide and conquer without getting frustrated with one another.  It was piled with notes and reminders to ourselves about what we still needed before their permanent arrival.  And the weekend was immediately followed by an 8 hour trip to Forth Worth and back- a trip that meant we had to leave our children again for another week!  So, physically exhausting?  Yes, a little.  Emotionally/ mentally draining?  Yes, a lot!  There's just so much to process in a short amount of time.  Saying that we're ready for "normalcy" in our lives with our children is an understatement (maybe "consistency" would be a more accurate term).

This past weekend was spent in Fort Worth again.  The children's foster parents went camping with their family and offered for us to stay in their home with the kids!  Yes, we are tremendously blessed!  These foster parents are outstanding.  We felt at home the entire weekend.  The children were accustomed to this environment and this weekend actually was "a breeze", even in trying times (because the 'honeymoon phase' is slowly beginning to wear off, haha!  If you're a classroom teacher, or foster parent, you understand all too well the honeymoon phase.  As great as it may be, I'm always ready for that phase to end so that "normal" can take it's place.)  We didn't do much outside of the home or city, but rather spent lots of time playing and relaxing together.  It was incredible!  Every moment I spend with them, I wonder how I could love them more...  Is it possible to love someone more than this???  Gosh, how does God feel???!!!  

We returned Sunday evening.  I began my "family leave" this week and we are preparing our home/ ourselves for their permanent arrival to take place this Friday, May 18!!!  We go to the Dallas area to sign papers, etc. and bring them home with us.  6 months later, the adoption will be finalized and they will take on our last name.  But a name is just a name- they are OUR children now by the grace of God and papers will show this later :).

Meeting OUR Children=AMAZING!

Last Friday, April 27, 2012, Clif and I physically met our children for the very first time.  There aren't any words to describe the way it felt.  I imagined that tears would be pouring from my eyes upon just seeing them.  But there really was just too much excitement and smiling to be able to cry.  We walked in the door of the foster home and immediately saw Hayden crawling around on the floor in the distance.  He stopped, looked at the strangers in the hallway and grinned.  That's the moment that tears started forming- "That is MY child sitting there grinning at me," is the first thought that came to mind.  WILD!  He came to us easily and seemed as though he had no cares in the world :).  Hailey and Brian came in from outside and immediately ran to us and jumped in our arms with the sweetest hugs one could ever imagine.  It hurts my heart now to think about those awesome hugs, only because I can't get them right this moment!  The kids were so excited to see us and wanted to show us all of the things that are important to them- like Thomas the Train haha!  We spent the evening playing with our kids, watching them play, and getting to know the foster family with which we already feel connected. 

Bedtime for the kiddos came too quickly that night!  I watched and helped Hailey go through her nightly routine.  Clif had the task of putting Hayden to bed and also helped wind Brian down, which meant watching a little bit of Thomas the Train and playing with his new Thomas book.  Hailey and I laid in her bed, me reading bedtime stories and her throwing in questions and thoughts completely unrelated to the books.  She wanted to know why my hair was shorter than in the pictures in our Life Book, and if she could wear her bangs like mine, and who got me the earrings and necklace I was wearing.  She asked when she could come see her new room.  Many questions I could answer.  Some I could only respond with, "I don't know," or "Very soon."  She asked to call me 'Mommy' instead of 'Mommy Casey'.  And she also wanted assurance that our family would now be Mommy, Daddy, Brian, Hayden, and Hailey.  So we assigned each of the five fingers on one hand a name to match the members of our family.  Holding her small hand to mine, she said, "For ever?  For-really-ever?".......  Best moment EVER!  Of course, she wants her bracelets in her room to be hers and only hers for-really-ever as well lol.

Brian also responded to us well.  He, unlike Hailey, didn't hold too much of a conversation about our forever family- not because he wasn't excited (because I think he is) but because he is a three-year-old BOY who wants to be loved and recognized.  Once those things are accomplished, he is content :).  Brian gives the most firm, yet gentle hugs.  And his "I love you" is like listening to the sweetest lullaby!  He is an energetic and curious little guy!  Did I mention that he loves trains???  We went to an inside play area at a mall Saturday where he climbed on top of the toy trains and yelled, "All ABOARD!  Choo-Choo!!"  So, our phrase to get him in the stroller at the ZOO was, of course, "All aboard!"  The best moments were hearing him shout out "Daddy Clif" every now and then, sometimes for what seemed like no reason but to get Clif's attention.  And at a park we went to, he went across monkey bars with help and ran to me EVERY time to hug me or give a high-five because I was so proud of him.  In fact, when he, Clif, and the other boys of the foster family came back from their adventure to a park, Brian ran straight to me and said, "Momma Casey, Momma Casey!" as if there was SOMETHING I should have been proud of him for accomplishing :).  He is a cuddly thing, too.  He took my arm and wrapped it around him while winding down Saturday night- I almost went straight to heaven!

And Hayden, OH MY!  He is the happiest baby in the world!  As I said, he came straight to us with no fuss at all.  It was like he had known us forever!  He loves to be outside.  He loves to be held.  He loves to eat.  He loves to bathe.  He loves to sleep.  He does NOT enjoy getting buckled into a car seat or having his diaper changed :).  But hey, I don't think I would enjoy those things either!  He responds to Hailey's voice with loud coos and yells.  He gives those open mouthed kisses that only babies can do without grossing you out haha!  I could just stare at him for days on end in amazement that his beautiful eyes will be looking to us to meet his needs. 

How blessed we are!  Thank you, Jesus!

We did all kinds of things over the weekend- jumped RIGHT into parenting and had many "first time" experiences.  Went to our first t-ball games, fit three kids in car seats in our truck (which was a task, I cannot lie), attempted a mall with three, went to a family bathroom (which was pretty cool), ate at a restaurant- and not just a fast food place, a real restaurant!  It was tiring, awesome, fun, and filled with learning about each other and parenting...  And it was extremely difficult to leave them.  I held onto Hayden for a bit before heading out and the tears came.  I managed to somewhat hold it together as we walked out of the house, but as soon as I got in the truck, I couldn't help the flow of tears.  Luckily, this week has passed fairly quickly and we now have two more days before we get to see them again!  This time, they will be in their new home for the weekend!  No, the house is not near being ready (as ready as I'd like for it to be).  But, they have beds to sleep in and the basic things to take care of their needs for at least a few days.  When they return for their permanent stay (hopefully May 19th!!!), things will all be in place and ready for our new family of five! 

There is so much more from the weekend that I could share...  But I've taken up enough space and time for now.  In a nutshell-  there's nothing like meeting your kids for the first time and there's nothing like jumping into parenting head first!  Not even jumping into a pool head first compares ;).

My Heart Hurts

Yes, my heart hurts...  but only because it feels like it could throb right out of my chest with love and joy! Clif and I do not get to meet our children in person until this coming weekend, but we've gotten a "sneak peek" over the last few days.  Last Friday we skyped with the foster mom, Christina.  She was SUPER informative and so encouraging!  Hailey actually has started calling us "Daddy Clif" and "Momma Casey" and requested meeting us through a skype visit so that she could ask us the list of questions she had created.  So, Sunday, we met all three children and Jim, the foster dad, via skype!  It was ...  well, honestly, words just cannot describe how it felt.  Hailey smiled and giggled the whole time and attempted to ask us questions, but of course was a little camera shy :).  Brian began singing a song and it didn't take long before the 3 year old boy in him took over and he found something more interesting to do haha!  In the end, we got to see Hayden who cooed back and forth with us.  It was AMAZING and made us itch even more to hold them!!!  

Tonight Clif sent Christina a text message asking her to tell the kiddos "hi" for us.  Hailey called him shortly after and carried on a conversation with us that was as sweet as honey- just GOLDEN!  She talked about what she did this evening and I asked her lots of questions to which she sweetly responded, "Yeeeaaahhh".  And the one statement that took my breath away was, "I'm gonna dream about you".  Does it get any better than that???????!!!!!!  She also wanted her foster parents to text us and make sure we didn't forget to dream about her.

I'd post a picture, a million pictures, if I could.  But until we are given permission, I can only tell you that they are BEAUTIFUL!  Hailey is a petite little thing with brown hair and blue eyes and the sweetest smile!  You can tell just by her pictures that she is a DiVa lol.  Brian has blonde hair with awesome cowlicks haha, much like the ones Clif has, and hazel eyes!  He has the best cheese face grin and a voice that could melt any heart!  Of course, he is a manly boy and loves trains, t-ball, and MEAT :).  Hayden is a chubby and HAPPY baby whose blonde hair and blue eyes will kill!  He is going to be a heartbreaker!  

My heart literally aches for them!  May the next few days pass quickly so that we can meet them and make sweet memories to cherish!  And may they transition smoothly into our home in *hopefully* the next few weeks!

Thank You Lord!

Meeting 'our' Children... Surreal

God, YOU are awesome and evident in every facet of life!   Your plan is unfolding, and although unknown to us now, is meant for no other reason but for us to worship You.  May we seek You and praise You when we least want to and most need to.  Fill us with strength and self-discipline to mirror your son- a strength that only You can provide.

We have been completely overwhelmed and humbled by the support, prayers, and encouragement that have been showered upon us each and every day!  I told someone recently that I'm not sure what we ever did to deserve the love that's being shown.  Words cannot describe...  So, just THANK YOU!  And praise God for you!  We are receiving lots of great items that we definitely need.  There are still lots of items that we still need to get before these children arrive.  It's difficult to tell others what you need when we haven't even met our children yet!  So, here's the down low with that:

Next weekend, April 26-28, we will meet our children!  (And yes, it seems completely surreal to say that!)  Per Clif's facebook post:  

We are going to spend some time with them Friday evening, and then go to Hailey's Teeball game on Saturday, and then maybe go to the Fort Worth Zoo that afternoon. After that we can begin weekend visits with them...when the worker told Hailey about us she asked her if it was alright if we came over to meet them, she said, "Are they going to bring toys?" HA! Let me just tell you right now, I am going to be wrapped around her finger! :-) 

It is SO hard to wait!  We are itching to touch them and are aching to hear their voices!  At the same time, we are anxious and hoping that they are quick to attach.  This territory is unchartered and unimaginable- which is REALLY scary!  We will have weekend visits in Forth Worth for a few weekends and, depending on how quickly they respond/ attach, they will move here with us.  If only I was the kind of person that wasn't a planner and thrived off of schedules!!!  Not knowing exactly how many visits we will have there and exactly when they will be here with us is painful!  But, one thing I can rest in is that God's hand is at work in our lives and these children's lives.  

We are READY!

"Watts, table for FIVE please"!!!

Our last post shared the possibility of our being selected for another sibling group of three.  Unlike our most recent experience with a selection staffing, we have felt at such peace this time around- I've actually been sleeping well ;).  We left yesterday morning (Thursday, April 12) for the Dallas area to represent ourselves as the adoptive parents for these kiddos.  We had a nice calm drive and expected to meet the other prospective parents at this selection staffing.  However, when we arrived and the meeting began, we were the only couple in attendance.  We sat in a small conference room, lit only by sunlight from its large windows, at a few rectangular tables pushed together.  Five workers (CPS, CASA, and an attorney), along with our caseworker, surrounded us and we began our panel interview.  They began by telling us all about these three children- their background in foster care, their physical and cognitive development, and their social characteristics.  Questions asked to us were, "How do you see yourself as a father/ mother?  How has your family responded to your decision to adopt?  What made you decide to become licensed for THREE instead of one or two?  Have you discussed a plan for the children as you work?..."  And of course they enjoyed my scrapbook and asked questions about that ;).  The meeting lasted until about 2:15 or so and ended on a great note- they kept our scrapbook and said they would get in touch with us the next day (Friday) or the following Monday.  Everyone was SO nice and easy to talk with and we felt great about how the meeting had gone.  And we knew that either way, things would work out.  So again, we felt at peace with whatever God had planned.

Clif and I ate a late lunch and started toward Nacogdoches at about 3:30.  I sent mass text messages letting everyone know that the meeting had gone well and that we would know something Friday or Monday as we were told.  About 30 minutes into our drive, Clif received a phone call from one of the caseworkers at the meeting informing him that we had been selected as the adoptive family for the three children!!!  He hadn't even said good-bye when I began sobbing tears of joy.  And every few minutes I found myself laughing or crying, or doing both at the same time!  A new kind of joyful emotional roller coaster began at that moment and has continued into today.  I am sure it will carry on until we have them in our home permanently, and then an even more interesting emotional roller coaster will begin as we experience parenthood with THREE!  But, it will be our new "normal".

The most asked questions have been:  "When will you get them?" and "Names? Ages?"  Well, first, they are Hailey- 4 (nearly 5), Bryan- 3, and Hayden- 11 months.  Ironically, they favor us a bit- Clif especially.  We will begin visits with them where they are now in the very near future.  Soon after, they will be transitioned into our home.  The adoption will become legal 6 months later.  

We are overwhelmed with joy that we have been chosen, overwhelmed with the support and encouragement from everyone, and ecstatic that these children's lives have changed dramatically- and they don't even know it :).  We are still praying that things all work out so that we get these children in our home soon and begin pouring into them.  I suppose I still feel every now and then that something could happen to rip this amazing moment from our lives.  Of course, even if that did happen, we will still know that God has plans to make us parents!  We are so excited to write more about this journey as it continues!!! 

Possibilities... part II

About four weeks ago, we were chosen as a possible family for a sibling group of three.  Two weeks after that, it was determined which family of the three chosen would become their "forever family".  Wednesday, March 28 at about 5 pm, we received the phone call that we'd been waiting for all day (or so it seemed).  What a nerve wrecking day it was!  We didn't think we would be so anxious- but what's to be expected?  I mean, we were waiting to hear if we were going to become parents, which is life-changing!  Clif walked in and simply said, "We didn't get them."  It's such a weird place to be emotionally.  We felt relieved that we finally knew one way or the other whether we were parents.  We felt sad that we didn't get the children for which we'd been praying, but happy that they'd been placed with a stable family.  And we felt frustration from thinking that we could possibly have to wait another 3-4 months before even being considered again!

So this must be the part that "they" warn about in foster/ adoption classes and training manuals.  That emotional roller coaster.  And for us, the physical labor also, as we prepare our house for children (and a future sale hopefully).  "How much longer will it be???", we tend to think.

Maybe not long at all!  To our surprise, we were selected among three families for another sibling group of three just one day after the sad news, as aforementioned.  How crazy is that???  These children are about the same ages as the others (4, 3, and 10 months).  This Thursday, April 12, is the selection staffing where a committee will meet to determine the most appropriate family with which to place the children.  The process this time around is a bit different than last time.  We have actually been invited to represent ourselves at the meeting.  Last time we were informed of the decision the day of the meeting.  We're not quite sure how that will happen this time- they may let us know while we are there, and they may decide to call or email at a later time.  Again, we are praying for these children and will be content with God's plan however it turns out.  Of course we believe we are the "right" home for these children ;), but we serve a mighty God that has our every move in life orchestrated to perfection.  

We'll keep on bloggin'!  If you'll keep on prayin'! ....  well, we'll still blog regardless of whether you pray or not, but we sure would appreciate it ;)

Possibilities!

Two weeks ago I posted a brief update about our progress in adoption process, which wasn't much of an update- only that we were still waiting and had submitted our home study for several children.  I also noted that we had submitted our home study for a sibling group of three...

Over the past year of going through this process, our lives and hearts have changed in so many different ways.  In fact, I feel like it's difficult to explain.  We began this process almost expecting to adopt an infant or toddler- just one.  The more we learned about fostering and adoption and the children available, we felt led to open our hearts and home to a wider variety- older children and sibling groups.  And we also are eager to advocate strongly and frequently for adoption and fostering.  

That being said, we got our first phone call tonight at about 7:00 or 7:30, that we are being considered a potential adoptive family for the THREE children I previously mentioned!!  The feelings and emotions are those that cannot be described.  We are of course excited beyond measure!  Every few minutes I catch myself crying tears of sadness for these kiddos or crying tears of joy at the possibility of having them.  And then every few minutes we have conversations about how different our lives will be and what changes we will have to take into account.  Yes, we know our home will be total chaos for the first few months should we be chosen for these children.  But then it will be our new normal!  And God will have His way with our world as it is!  

Come what may, the Lord is mighty and powerful.  From Him, through Him, and to Him are all things...  even this crazy awesome situation.  Thank you for your continued support and prayers.  We are specifically praying for these children and that, wherever they end up, they are in a loving and consistent home.  We are also specifically praying for our marriage as our lives will change dramatically whenever we are chosen as an adoptive family.

Even the possibility of this happening is....  Wow....

And Still Waiting...

It has been almost three months since our last post...  and unfortunately, or fortunately (depending on how God sees it) not too terribly much has changed.  Each month is a new piece of the roller coaster of emotions.  One month of feeling "content" with the our childless life, another month wishing and hoping and aching for that call telling us we will now be responsible for this young life, which, I suspect, will be surprising and amazing and scary all at once.  We have officially been a licensed home since December, and have submitted our home study for different children each month since then, which totals 7 children ranging from ages 4 months to 4 years.  I'd say that's reassuring for us, yet very sad that so many children become eligible for foster care and/ or adoption each month.  Luckily, the children for which we have submitted our home study are all young enough to be desired by many other families and are likely in safe, loving homes as I type.  Yet there are SO many older children that are still remaining.  Perhaps one day when we are older, we can become a family for an older child who may be experiencing loneliness and wondering who their forever family may be.

Today we submitted our home study again for a sibling group of three.... yes three!  I know, it's scary to think about:  a couple new to parenting, having only been married 5 years, raising three young children (about 2-4 years old).  We had/ have the same thought :).  But, if not us, then who?  We are prepared for the awesome chaos that will be our home, and we are also prepared for the blessing these children will bring should we be chosen the foster/ adoptive family. 

Officially Waiting

Yes, we are finally GETTING THERE!  And by "there", I do mean having a child in our home soon!  Our home study finally took place in November (and was as painless as it could possibly be, thank God). Because we have decided to foster to adopt, we had to attend two additional trainings which we have officially completed.  We are proud to say that we are a licensed home and ready to take in a child/ children!  

Many people ask what our preferences are in regards to age, sex, or ethnicity.  We are licensed to take children from 0-10 years old, but prefer children under the ages of 4-6.  Boy or girl?- either one!  Black, white, hispanic?- doesn't matter!  Basically, if they are young, healthy, and need a home, we'll take 'em!  We also will consider sibling groups- yes, we are aware that this would be a lot to take on, but we're not afraid :).

Since becoming a licensed home (which was just last week), we have had only a couple of situations where we could be possible foster/ adoptive parents.  Our "Dear Caseworker" letter has been turned in for one child, however we have to keep in mind that there are likely several other parents being considered and circumstances about which we are unaware.  So, we are trying not to get our hopes up, but instead are continuing to think about the perfect plan God has for us and our future children.  Even if this child, or the many children for whom we are not chosen, is not placed in our home, it is awesome to think about how we are praying for a child who will never meet us and we will know that he or she is likely part of a new and fantastic permanent family.

That's all for the time being!  We are officially "waiting" :).

No End in Sight???

In the last post, I proudly wrote, "We also are VERY happy to announce that our home study has been scheduled for next Tuesday, October 25!  FINALLY!"  


HA!  Like things would really work out like we expect...


The coordinator we are now working with came into our home, sat down at the kitchen table, laid out a set of what looked like really important papers and folders, and began talking to us about different things that had originally been very unclear.  As she went on, she dropped this phrase, "...and when you they come to do the home study..."  Huh???  We thought this WAS the home study!!!  She apologized for having misled us and went on to answer the questions that kept growing in our minds afterward.

Needless to say, we were pretty peeved/ bummed.  Here we are getting super excited about getting this step completed and then another wrench gets thrown in the way.
BUT, here's where God's work is evident:

In recent conversations, Clif and I began to think realistically about the time frame behind awaiting a child to adopt- especially a very young child.  When a young child becomes available for adoption (say, an infant up to 3 or 4 years of age), there are AT LEAST 80 profiles that are accepted within a very short amount of time for that child.  Our chances of being selected and being a great match for that child at that point are not necessarily slim, but also not great.  As we discussed this with our new coordinator last night, we came to the decision that we will foster to adopt, which is different than straight adoption in a few ways (which I can explain at another point or at your request).  This DOES mean that there is a possibility that the child coming into our home could be removed and returned to his/ her birthparents.  However, if they are not removed and are a good match for us and us for them, we would have first "dibs", if you will.

Because we have made a slightly different decision, we now are required to take more courses to qualify as a foster home.  Therefore, completing our home study right now is irrelevant, because we cannot take children into our home without first having had these other courses.  And we probably wouldn't have come to this decision without having first met with our new coordinator last night.  And maybe we would not have gotten our last few bits of preparation complete had we not assumed last night was the home study and had we not somehow had the extra bit of money this month to complete those preparations.  

In all things, God is good.  Even in our frustrated state of mind, God is present and working in ways we cannot understand.  We are excited about our new decision, but again are praying that we can quickly accomplish these tasks that will get us "qualified" as foster parents.  We are anxiously awaiting our turn to become parents.  Even though there seems to be no end in sight, we know that God has already constructed what will be and in this, we are faithful.

The journey we call "LIFE"

Well, I'm usually pretty good about starting off with an interesting introduction, but I think I'll just jump right in with where we are in our LLLOOOONNNNGGGG adoption journey... that's sure to receive a reward for its longevity.  If it doesn't, I'll be expecting a certificate of some sort from at least one person we know, **hint, hint** :).

So, two weekends ago mom came down and we worked like I've never worked before (or so it felt the day after) in high hopes of getting everything ready for the home health inspection that was to occur (and did occur) the following Monday.  I am SUPER thankful for her help!  Our home health inspection went alright, but there were a few things mentioned that caused our social worker to say, "I'll jot down that you'll get those things fixed and I'll have to do one more walk-through before the home study."  That was a little disheartening, but we  already have a couple of those very minor things checked off our list.  Most of it was a matter of getting all meds locked up and moving some tools and cleaning supplies to super high shelves or locking them up (lots of locking things up).  We asked several questions about when that next "walk-through" would be and how long before our home study, however we were met with few answers.

A week or so later, it came to our surprise that our case worker had resigned to pursue other career opportunities.  Someone from the agency has already picked up with us and is keeping in touch with us on a regular basis and answering questions in a very timely manner.  We also are VERY happy to announce that our home study has been scheduled for next Tuesday, October 25!  FINALLY!  No "walk-through" ahead of time, just the home study itself!  We know that it will go smoothly and quickly.  After our home study is approved (which could take some time) we will officially be "waiting" for our child to come along.

While we wait, we have discussed becoming foster parents for legal risk children (basically, children whose parents' rights are likely, but not guaranteed, to be terminated).  If we did this, we would request to foster infants and would have the option to adopt them should the birth parents' rights be terminated.  Of course, if the parents' rights are not terminated, the child would leave us and go back to the birth parents, OR to someone in the family willing to accept responsibility for the child, which would be very difficult for us.  At the same time, we would take care of them like they were our very own which would be a blessing to them (even for just a short time) and to us.  

And so the journey continues :).  Lots of interesting things are happening along the way, not only in our adoption process, but also in our day to day lives- new jobs (for us both), changes in our "family" (our dogs lol), and changes in our home.  God has provided and will continue to provide and strengthen us in this amazing journey we call "LIFE"!

PROGRESS, Finally!

Can you believe it?  We have finally made some progress!  Somehow this month flew by (perhaps it could be because of working two jobs and a busy schedule on top of that???) and it flew by without much house work getting done in preparation for a home study.  I suppose I'm okay with that.  This is our home, it's fit for a child, and we will continually be working towards remodeling it to become unique to us (and most other buyers ha!).

But, ALL papers have been completed and signed, by us at least, our fire inspection is complete, and our home health inspection is taking place this coming Monday, October 3 at 3:30!!!  I wanted it completed in the first week of October, and so it will be!  Of course, now I'm fretting about getting everything completed for the health inspection in one weekend.  Thankfully, my awesome mom is coming in for the weekend to help get this place more than ready to meet/ exceed the requirements of the health inspection.  As soon as we pass the health inspection, the home study will FINALLY be scheduled!

I'm SO excited that we can see an end to the beginning of our "waiting".  At that point we will at least know that our next step will be opening our arms to our child/children.  Praise God for His perfect timing and the lessons He teaches us in the times we struggle to understand Him and His plans for us!

YEAH!  :)