Meeting OUR Children=AMAZING!

Last Friday, April 27, 2012, Clif and I physically met our children for the very first time.  There aren't any words to describe the way it felt.  I imagined that tears would be pouring from my eyes upon just seeing them.  But there really was just too much excitement and smiling to be able to cry.  We walked in the door of the foster home and immediately saw Hayden crawling around on the floor in the distance.  He stopped, looked at the strangers in the hallway and grinned.  That's the moment that tears started forming- "That is MY child sitting there grinning at me," is the first thought that came to mind.  WILD!  He came to us easily and seemed as though he had no cares in the world :).  Hailey and Brian came in from outside and immediately ran to us and jumped in our arms with the sweetest hugs one could ever imagine.  It hurts my heart now to think about those awesome hugs, only because I can't get them right this moment!  The kids were so excited to see us and wanted to show us all of the things that are important to them- like Thomas the Train haha!  We spent the evening playing with our kids, watching them play, and getting to know the foster family with which we already feel connected. 

Bedtime for the kiddos came too quickly that night!  I watched and helped Hailey go through her nightly routine.  Clif had the task of putting Hayden to bed and also helped wind Brian down, which meant watching a little bit of Thomas the Train and playing with his new Thomas book.  Hailey and I laid in her bed, me reading bedtime stories and her throwing in questions and thoughts completely unrelated to the books.  She wanted to know why my hair was shorter than in the pictures in our Life Book, and if she could wear her bangs like mine, and who got me the earrings and necklace I was wearing.  She asked when she could come see her new room.  Many questions I could answer.  Some I could only respond with, "I don't know," or "Very soon."  She asked to call me 'Mommy' instead of 'Mommy Casey'.  And she also wanted assurance that our family would now be Mommy, Daddy, Brian, Hayden, and Hailey.  So we assigned each of the five fingers on one hand a name to match the members of our family.  Holding her small hand to mine, she said, "For ever?  For-really-ever?".......  Best moment EVER!  Of course, she wants her bracelets in her room to be hers and only hers for-really-ever as well lol.

Brian also responded to us well.  He, unlike Hailey, didn't hold too much of a conversation about our forever family- not because he wasn't excited (because I think he is) but because he is a three-year-old BOY who wants to be loved and recognized.  Once those things are accomplished, he is content :).  Brian gives the most firm, yet gentle hugs.  And his "I love you" is like listening to the sweetest lullaby!  He is an energetic and curious little guy!  Did I mention that he loves trains???  We went to an inside play area at a mall Saturday where he climbed on top of the toy trains and yelled, "All ABOARD!  Choo-Choo!!"  So, our phrase to get him in the stroller at the ZOO was, of course, "All aboard!"  The best moments were hearing him shout out "Daddy Clif" every now and then, sometimes for what seemed like no reason but to get Clif's attention.  And at a park we went to, he went across monkey bars with help and ran to me EVERY time to hug me or give a high-five because I was so proud of him.  In fact, when he, Clif, and the other boys of the foster family came back from their adventure to a park, Brian ran straight to me and said, "Momma Casey, Momma Casey!" as if there was SOMETHING I should have been proud of him for accomplishing :).  He is a cuddly thing, too.  He took my arm and wrapped it around him while winding down Saturday night- I almost went straight to heaven!

And Hayden, OH MY!  He is the happiest baby in the world!  As I said, he came straight to us with no fuss at all.  It was like he had known us forever!  He loves to be outside.  He loves to be held.  He loves to eat.  He loves to bathe.  He loves to sleep.  He does NOT enjoy getting buckled into a car seat or having his diaper changed :).  But hey, I don't think I would enjoy those things either!  He responds to Hailey's voice with loud coos and yells.  He gives those open mouthed kisses that only babies can do without grossing you out haha!  I could just stare at him for days on end in amazement that his beautiful eyes will be looking to us to meet his needs. 

How blessed we are!  Thank you, Jesus!

We did all kinds of things over the weekend- jumped RIGHT into parenting and had many "first time" experiences.  Went to our first t-ball games, fit three kids in car seats in our truck (which was a task, I cannot lie), attempted a mall with three, went to a family bathroom (which was pretty cool), ate at a restaurant- and not just a fast food place, a real restaurant!  It was tiring, awesome, fun, and filled with learning about each other and parenting...  And it was extremely difficult to leave them.  I held onto Hayden for a bit before heading out and the tears came.  I managed to somewhat hold it together as we walked out of the house, but as soon as I got in the truck, I couldn't help the flow of tears.  Luckily, this week has passed fairly quickly and we now have two more days before we get to see them again!  This time, they will be in their new home for the weekend!  No, the house is not near being ready (as ready as I'd like for it to be).  But, they have beds to sleep in and the basic things to take care of their needs for at least a few days.  When they return for their permanent stay (hopefully May 19th!!!), things will all be in place and ready for our new family of five! 

There is so much more from the weekend that I could share...  But I've taken up enough space and time for now.  In a nutshell-  there's nothing like meeting your kids for the first time and there's nothing like jumping into parenting head first!  Not even jumping into a pool head first compares ;).

My Heart Hurts

Yes, my heart hurts...  but only because it feels like it could throb right out of my chest with love and joy! Clif and I do not get to meet our children in person until this coming weekend, but we've gotten a "sneak peek" over the last few days.  Last Friday we skyped with the foster mom, Christina.  She was SUPER informative and so encouraging!  Hailey actually has started calling us "Daddy Clif" and "Momma Casey" and requested meeting us through a skype visit so that she could ask us the list of questions she had created.  So, Sunday, we met all three children and Jim, the foster dad, via skype!  It was ...  well, honestly, words just cannot describe how it felt.  Hailey smiled and giggled the whole time and attempted to ask us questions, but of course was a little camera shy :).  Brian began singing a song and it didn't take long before the 3 year old boy in him took over and he found something more interesting to do haha!  In the end, we got to see Hayden who cooed back and forth with us.  It was AMAZING and made us itch even more to hold them!!!  

Tonight Clif sent Christina a text message asking her to tell the kiddos "hi" for us.  Hailey called him shortly after and carried on a conversation with us that was as sweet as honey- just GOLDEN!  She talked about what she did this evening and I asked her lots of questions to which she sweetly responded, "Yeeeaaahhh".  And the one statement that took my breath away was, "I'm gonna dream about you".  Does it get any better than that???????!!!!!!  She also wanted her foster parents to text us and make sure we didn't forget to dream about her.

I'd post a picture, a million pictures, if I could.  But until we are given permission, I can only tell you that they are BEAUTIFUL!  Hailey is a petite little thing with brown hair and blue eyes and the sweetest smile!  You can tell just by her pictures that she is a DiVa lol.  Brian has blonde hair with awesome cowlicks haha, much like the ones Clif has, and hazel eyes!  He has the best cheese face grin and a voice that could melt any heart!  Of course, he is a manly boy and loves trains, t-ball, and MEAT :).  Hayden is a chubby and HAPPY baby whose blonde hair and blue eyes will kill!  He is going to be a heartbreaker!  

My heart literally aches for them!  May the next few days pass quickly so that we can meet them and make sweet memories to cherish!  And may they transition smoothly into our home in *hopefully* the next few weeks!

Thank You Lord!

Meeting 'our' Children... Surreal

God, YOU are awesome and evident in every facet of life!   Your plan is unfolding, and although unknown to us now, is meant for no other reason but for us to worship You.  May we seek You and praise You when we least want to and most need to.  Fill us with strength and self-discipline to mirror your son- a strength that only You can provide.

We have been completely overwhelmed and humbled by the support, prayers, and encouragement that have been showered upon us each and every day!  I told someone recently that I'm not sure what we ever did to deserve the love that's being shown.  Words cannot describe...  So, just THANK YOU!  And praise God for you!  We are receiving lots of great items that we definitely need.  There are still lots of items that we still need to get before these children arrive.  It's difficult to tell others what you need when we haven't even met our children yet!  So, here's the down low with that:

Next weekend, April 26-28, we will meet our children!  (And yes, it seems completely surreal to say that!)  Per Clif's facebook post:  

We are going to spend some time with them Friday evening, and then go to Hailey's Teeball game on Saturday, and then maybe go to the Fort Worth Zoo that afternoon. After that we can begin weekend visits with them...when the worker told Hailey about us she asked her if it was alright if we came over to meet them, she said, "Are they going to bring toys?" HA! Let me just tell you right now, I am going to be wrapped around her finger! :-) 

It is SO hard to wait!  We are itching to touch them and are aching to hear their voices!  At the same time, we are anxious and hoping that they are quick to attach.  This territory is unchartered and unimaginable- which is REALLY scary!  We will have weekend visits in Forth Worth for a few weekends and, depending on how quickly they respond/ attach, they will move here with us.  If only I was the kind of person that wasn't a planner and thrived off of schedules!!!  Not knowing exactly how many visits we will have there and exactly when they will be here with us is painful!  But, one thing I can rest in is that God's hand is at work in our lives and these children's lives.  

We are READY!

"Watts, table for FIVE please"!!!

Our last post shared the possibility of our being selected for another sibling group of three.  Unlike our most recent experience with a selection staffing, we have felt at such peace this time around- I've actually been sleeping well ;).  We left yesterday morning (Thursday, April 12) for the Dallas area to represent ourselves as the adoptive parents for these kiddos.  We had a nice calm drive and expected to meet the other prospective parents at this selection staffing.  However, when we arrived and the meeting began, we were the only couple in attendance.  We sat in a small conference room, lit only by sunlight from its large windows, at a few rectangular tables pushed together.  Five workers (CPS, CASA, and an attorney), along with our caseworker, surrounded us and we began our panel interview.  They began by telling us all about these three children- their background in foster care, their physical and cognitive development, and their social characteristics.  Questions asked to us were, "How do you see yourself as a father/ mother?  How has your family responded to your decision to adopt?  What made you decide to become licensed for THREE instead of one or two?  Have you discussed a plan for the children as you work?..."  And of course they enjoyed my scrapbook and asked questions about that ;).  The meeting lasted until about 2:15 or so and ended on a great note- they kept our scrapbook and said they would get in touch with us the next day (Friday) or the following Monday.  Everyone was SO nice and easy to talk with and we felt great about how the meeting had gone.  And we knew that either way, things would work out.  So again, we felt at peace with whatever God had planned.

Clif and I ate a late lunch and started toward Nacogdoches at about 3:30.  I sent mass text messages letting everyone know that the meeting had gone well and that we would know something Friday or Monday as we were told.  About 30 minutes into our drive, Clif received a phone call from one of the caseworkers at the meeting informing him that we had been selected as the adoptive family for the three children!!!  He hadn't even said good-bye when I began sobbing tears of joy.  And every few minutes I found myself laughing or crying, or doing both at the same time!  A new kind of joyful emotional roller coaster began at that moment and has continued into today.  I am sure it will carry on until we have them in our home permanently, and then an even more interesting emotional roller coaster will begin as we experience parenthood with THREE!  But, it will be our new "normal".

The most asked questions have been:  "When will you get them?" and "Names? Ages?"  Well, first, they are Hailey- 4 (nearly 5), Bryan- 3, and Hayden- 11 months.  Ironically, they favor us a bit- Clif especially.  We will begin visits with them where they are now in the very near future.  Soon after, they will be transitioned into our home.  The adoption will become legal 6 months later.  

We are overwhelmed with joy that we have been chosen, overwhelmed with the support and encouragement from everyone, and ecstatic that these children's lives have changed dramatically- and they don't even know it :).  We are still praying that things all work out so that we get these children in our home soon and begin pouring into them.  I suppose I still feel every now and then that something could happen to rip this amazing moment from our lives.  Of course, even if that did happen, we will still know that God has plans to make us parents!  We are so excited to write more about this journey as it continues!!! 

Possibilities... part II

About four weeks ago, we were chosen as a possible family for a sibling group of three.  Two weeks after that, it was determined which family of the three chosen would become their "forever family".  Wednesday, March 28 at about 5 pm, we received the phone call that we'd been waiting for all day (or so it seemed).  What a nerve wrecking day it was!  We didn't think we would be so anxious- but what's to be expected?  I mean, we were waiting to hear if we were going to become parents, which is life-changing!  Clif walked in and simply said, "We didn't get them."  It's such a weird place to be emotionally.  We felt relieved that we finally knew one way or the other whether we were parents.  We felt sad that we didn't get the children for which we'd been praying, but happy that they'd been placed with a stable family.  And we felt frustration from thinking that we could possibly have to wait another 3-4 months before even being considered again!

So this must be the part that "they" warn about in foster/ adoption classes and training manuals.  That emotional roller coaster.  And for us, the physical labor also, as we prepare our house for children (and a future sale hopefully).  "How much longer will it be???", we tend to think.

Maybe not long at all!  To our surprise, we were selected among three families for another sibling group of three just one day after the sad news, as aforementioned.  How crazy is that???  These children are about the same ages as the others (4, 3, and 10 months).  This Thursday, April 12, is the selection staffing where a committee will meet to determine the most appropriate family with which to place the children.  The process this time around is a bit different than last time.  We have actually been invited to represent ourselves at the meeting.  Last time we were informed of the decision the day of the meeting.  We're not quite sure how that will happen this time- they may let us know while we are there, and they may decide to call or email at a later time.  Again, we are praying for these children and will be content with God's plan however it turns out.  Of course we believe we are the "right" home for these children ;), but we serve a mighty God that has our every move in life orchestrated to perfection.  

We'll keep on bloggin'!  If you'll keep on prayin'! ....  well, we'll still blog regardless of whether you pray or not, but we sure would appreciate it ;)

Possibilities!

Two weeks ago I posted a brief update about our progress in adoption process, which wasn't much of an update- only that we were still waiting and had submitted our home study for several children.  I also noted that we had submitted our home study for a sibling group of three...

Over the past year of going through this process, our lives and hearts have changed in so many different ways.  In fact, I feel like it's difficult to explain.  We began this process almost expecting to adopt an infant or toddler- just one.  The more we learned about fostering and adoption and the children available, we felt led to open our hearts and home to a wider variety- older children and sibling groups.  And we also are eager to advocate strongly and frequently for adoption and fostering.  

That being said, we got our first phone call tonight at about 7:00 or 7:30, that we are being considered a potential adoptive family for the THREE children I previously mentioned!!  The feelings and emotions are those that cannot be described.  We are of course excited beyond measure!  Every few minutes I catch myself crying tears of sadness for these kiddos or crying tears of joy at the possibility of having them.  And then every few minutes we have conversations about how different our lives will be and what changes we will have to take into account.  Yes, we know our home will be total chaos for the first few months should we be chosen for these children.  But then it will be our new normal!  And God will have His way with our world as it is!  

Come what may, the Lord is mighty and powerful.  From Him, through Him, and to Him are all things...  even this crazy awesome situation.  Thank you for your continued support and prayers.  We are specifically praying for these children and that, wherever they end up, they are in a loving and consistent home.  We are also specifically praying for our marriage as our lives will change dramatically whenever we are chosen as an adoptive family.

Even the possibility of this happening is....  Wow....

And Still Waiting...

It has been almost three months since our last post...  and unfortunately, or fortunately (depending on how God sees it) not too terribly much has changed.  Each month is a new piece of the roller coaster of emotions.  One month of feeling "content" with the our childless life, another month wishing and hoping and aching for that call telling us we will now be responsible for this young life, which, I suspect, will be surprising and amazing and scary all at once.  We have officially been a licensed home since December, and have submitted our home study for different children each month since then, which totals 7 children ranging from ages 4 months to 4 years.  I'd say that's reassuring for us, yet very sad that so many children become eligible for foster care and/ or adoption each month.  Luckily, the children for which we have submitted our home study are all young enough to be desired by many other families and are likely in safe, loving homes as I type.  Yet there are SO many older children that are still remaining.  Perhaps one day when we are older, we can become a family for an older child who may be experiencing loneliness and wondering who their forever family may be.

Today we submitted our home study again for a sibling group of three.... yes three!  I know, it's scary to think about:  a couple new to parenting, having only been married 5 years, raising three young children (about 2-4 years old).  We had/ have the same thought :).  But, if not us, then who?  We are prepared for the awesome chaos that will be our home, and we are also prepared for the blessing these children will bring should we be chosen the foster/ adoptive family.